The Sober Reality of the Sobriety Trend

In the recent months, the mainstream media has been captivated by the Sobriety "trend" or "movement." In December 2018, Ruth Warrington published a book called Sober Curious, where she lays out the benefits of breaking up with booze. Even more recently we have seen Sobriety in the headlines in addition to trending across social media with sobriety influences. See recent articles/videos from The New York Times, Vox, NPR, and even The Wall Street Journal.

How is it that Sobriety has been on the rise and I've still felt so alone and so silent about my own choice?

I gave up drinking alcohol in December 2017 and I've been "sober" ever since. I had actually dabbled in a reduced form of sobriety in mid-2016. At that time, I had just graduated business school which is well known for its networking events and social gatherings, all of which involve some form of alcohol.

I finished business school in June of 2016 and was getting married later that year. In an effort to lose some weight, focus on my health, and get back into a good routine at the gym, I made the decision to give up alcohol except for at special occasions. When I made the conscious decision to scale back my alcohol intake, I already knew that I had several weddings (my own included) and bachelorette parties to attend before the year was over. As a result, I let myself drink during these "special events" but cut out alcohol otherwise.

When I made the decision to scale back my alcohol intake, I never imagined that I would make the choice to give up alcohol for good. I figured that I would give up alcohol until my wedding as part of my wedding diet and return to my normal consumption afterwards. I just didn't see a way to give up alcohol and succeed in the business world with all the alcohol-infused happy hours and networking events. Outside of work, I also didn't see a way that I could overcome the pressure from my friends and my family to partake in celebratory beverages during the holidays and other large events such as weddings and bachelorette parties.

After my wedding at the end of 2016, I did start drinking again. However, during my brief interlude from booze, I noticed several positive benefits of not drinking - not only was I able to lose the business school weight (with the help of positive nutrition and exercise) but I was also sleeping much better and never had to worry about the dreaded hangover that seems to catch up with you faster and faster as you get older. I had more energy in general and just felt healthier and better about myself.

Fast forward to December 2017, after a pretty rough year at work, some weight gain, and a lack of focus on my health and wellness, I made the choice to give up alcohol again. When I made the choice, I didn't really know how long it would last, but I knew I wanted to feel the way I felt before my wedding. Most importantly I wanted to start 2018 off on the right foot, focused on my own health and wellness.

Over the course of the past year and a half, I haven't touched alcohol (with the exception of one sip of Champagne at my sister's bachelorette party as a tribute to her celebration) but until recently, I have had a hard time telling people that I don't drink.

How do you bring up the fact that you don't drink when everyone always wants to meet up for drinks?

In certain social situations I have told people that I don't drink anymore, but many times when I say something, I am met with questions and strange looks. It is clear that there is still a stigma around alcoholism and addiction and this needs to change. I shouldn't have to get strange looks or judgmental questions when I tell people I don't drink. And no, I'm not pregnant either.

It really isn't anyone's business why I decided to stop drinking. I shouldn't have to explain that I do it for health reasons in order to get approval or to make myself feel less judged.

Honestly, what really makes me uncomfortable is the fact that I have felt so alone for the entirety of my "sobriety." At times I've felt out of place and judged because of a lifestyle choice I've made.

If I've felt so out of place, I can't imagine how someone who has overcome addiction must feel in these types social situations. They shouldn't have to explain themselves or hide their history because of a stigma associated with addiction.

Of course, now that Sobriety is "trending" everyone seems to be talking about it. But those who are talking about Sobriety and being featured in mainstream media and on Instagram are often not the courageous individuals who have had to work through the long and tough journey of recovery and often, they aren't the ones who have had to follow a 12-step process to literally save their own lives.

We've taken sobriety and made it bright and shiny because it is an easier story to tell. But when we do so, we strip out the true meaning of sobriety.

Stories like my story aren't the stories we should be telling. Although it is nice to know I'm no longer alone and that my choice is becoming more mainstream, I have to remind myself, that while I did make a conscious choice to change my lifestyle, I wasn't faced with the weight of addiction. I didn't have to overcome anything, I didn't have to fight to save my life, my family, or my career. All I did was make a lifestyle decision.

Sobriety as a wellness or health-inspired choice is not the same as the sobriety that comes from overcoming addiction and mental health issues. We must separate the two and give a voice to those who have come so far, those who have overcome their addiction, and those who have real stories of perseverance and strength to tell.