Aparigraha: Let it Go

Aparigraha or Nonattachment, is the fifth and final of the yamas. The yamas are the first of the Eight Limbs of Yoga and are defined as the external restraints that help us understand our relationship with the world around us, both with people and objects.

This blog post is the culmination of a six blog post series on the yamas. We started with an overview of the yamas in the blog post: Grow your Yoga Practice by Understanding the Eight Limbs of Yoga and continued with a deep dive into each of the yamas in individual blog posts (click on each yama to reach the corresponding blog): Ahimsa (Nonviolence), Satya (Truthfulness), Asteya (Nonstealing), Brahmacharya (Nonexcess), and now this post on Aparigraha (Nonattachment).

Aparigraha can be translated to mean nonattachment, nonpossessiveness, nongreed, nonclinging, nongrasping, and noncoveting.

Nonattachment to Expectations

One instance of aparigraha is an attachment or a clinging to certain expectations. When we let certain expectations take hold of us, our expectations become like shackles that keep us from staying true to ourselves and from living our inner truth.

Let me tell you a story of how I almost let an attachment to a certain expectation keep me from staying true to myself.

Growing up as a first generation Indian American, I had always believed that there were only three possible career paths available to me. The parents in the Indian American immigrant community all sang the same tune. As their children, we had three career choices when we grew up, Doctor, Lawyer, or Engineer. Nothing else was an option. Our parents had moved to the United States of America to create a better life for themselves and their children. The idea was that if we, as their children, pursued careers as doctors, lawyers, or engineers, we would always be able to care for ourselves and live comfortable lives.

As I neared the end of high school and started thinking about college, I had convinced myself that I wanted to pursue a career as a doctor, a pediatrician. I filled my junior and senior years of High School with advanced Math and Science classes to prepare for a pre-med concentration in college and applied to colleges well known for their pre-med programs. Once accepted into my dream school for college, I continued to focus on taking pre-med classes and preparing for my future as a doctor.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that my heart wasn't in my pre-med classes and that I was feeling more trapped than excited by the prospect of becoming a doctor. I was convinced that my parents expected me to become a doctor and that if I didn't pursue a career as a doctor, I would be a failure in the eyes of my parents. I had let the expectations I thought my parents had imposed on me and the expectations I had imposed on myself become my own shackles and my own prison. I was the one holding myself back because I was attached to the comments and advice my parents and the Indian community had given me as a child. Turns out, all I had to do was let the expectations go and have a conversation with my parents about what I really wanted for my life. Once I had the courage to tell my parents what I really wanted, they were supportive and I was able to explore career paths that were more in line with my passions.

In this way, nonattachment to expectations, allows us to stay true to ourselves and let go or change course as needed throughout our lives.

Nonattachment to Expectations On and Off the Mat

As a yoga teacher and student, I often find myself letting attachment to the perfect image of a yoga posture hold me back from appreciating subtle improvements in strength and flexibility in my personal practice and in my students' practice. When we focus on an image or expectation of perfection in yoga, we rob ourselves of the joy of our practice and the ability to appreciate the nuances of how our body feels on different days and in different postures.

As I continue to practice aparigraha both on and off the mat, I continue to challenge myself to find appreciation for my life and for those around me. Aparigraha does not mean that we have to stop caring, rather we should let our attachment to ideas, people, and/or objects go. Once we let the attachment go, we open ourselves to fully engage or fully appreciate the idea, person, or object.